Have You Made A Positive Impact?

Recently, I underwent unavoidable and unexpected back surgery.  In less than 12 hours, I went from sitting in my office to sitting in the emergency room.  I was admitted in the evening, and by the next morning, my whole world was upside down.

I called my wonderful assistant and she created a plan to take care of my clients.  All went well, thanks to some very generous and caring friends.  A judicial assistant took her time to alert specific court offices.  One lawyer friend came to my office for the day and assisted clients.  On many other days, that same friend attended my scheduled court appearances.  A couple of other friends didn’t hesitate to assist with covering cases.  One lawyer saw my name on a docket, called my assistant and covered that case for me.   A Judge allowed me to attend a status hearing via conference call.  During my recovery, I’ve had good and bad days.  On a bad day, a simple Facebook message was all it took, for yet another friend to willingly handle a court hearing.

I was humbled and frankly surprised at how generous these folks were.  Not that I didn’t think I had good friends, but I was and continue to be genuinely amazed at how willing so many were to interrupt their schedules for me.

I relayed this story to someone today and her response made me stop and think.  She said you must have made an impact in these people’s lives for them to be so generous.  And, here I just thought I had really nice people in my life and, I do – and they are.  Yet, I believe something more was in play.  These folks could have taken a more passive approach to helping me.  They could have said, “I can’t make that court appearance, but I’ll be in the courthouse tomorrow – what can I do then?”  No, these folks went out of their way, interrupted their schedules, and helped.

A while back, I represented a client who met with me a couple of times in my office on a minor criminal charge.  He would always bring his girlfriend and their child.  Their little boy was 2 years old and he was the most well-behaved toddler I have ever met.  Living paycheck to paycheck, this couple struggles every day to survive.  Yet, they never once complained about their circumstances to me.  He worked construction when jobs were available, and she worked the only job she could find which was only part-time.  She had dreams of going back to school.  They were the nicest couple, and their young family was perfect.  I teased them a couple of times about getting married.  I encouraged the both of them to stay clean and out of trouble – as I do with every client!  My client ultimately accepted responsibility for his charge.  After I finished representation of him, he and his girlfriend called to thank me for my help.  A year later, the girlfriend called my office needing assistance in a family court matter.  I agreed to see them and waive my consultation fee.  When they arrived, they brought clean drug screens, a new baby, reports of a better job, and the girlfriend was attending night classes.  I was inspired by their resourcefulness, and honored that they actually brought me reports of clean drug screens! (not that these client’s had a drug problem – like I mentioned before, I tell all my clients to stay clean.)  Silly, I know but really, who brings drug screens to their appointments?  These folks made a huge impact on me.  They remembered every word I said to them, and actually heard what I wanted for them.  I wanted to help them, again.  I wanted them to be rewarded in some way for all their progress.  Not, that I am such a prize, but I knew that I could get a good outcome on the family court matter, and I wanted that to be the prize.

Ultimately, we were successful in court.  My clients were grateful for the assistance and thanked me profusely.  I thanked them as well.  I realized by their puzzled faces that I needed to tell them why I was thanking them.  I simply said, “for allowing me to help you.”

All this to say, I don’t know whether I have actually made an “impact” on the lives of my friends.  But, I do know what it’s like to have to someone make an impact on my life.  My friends make an impact on my life every day by unselfishly giving their time to me.  And, that couple, well, they made an impact on me by being so gracious in the face of poverty.  For showing me that happiness doesn’t equate to a paycheck; that well-mannered children don’t have to go to the best daycare; and, that loving couples don’t need to be married.

Impacting another’s life for good isn’t something I think people set out to do; however, I do think it’s purposeful.  I believe you can practice it for yourself, teach it to your children, and set an example for others.  I intend to practice impacting lives for good.  I intend to be there when my friends need me – no matter my schedule, and I intend to continue to learn from my clients.  And, the next time I gripe about my circumstances, I intend to be grateful because that’s how you make an impact.

Childhood Truths Translated

I began my practice of law well after my children were able to care for themselves.  Although my children are now what I consider grown, I am realizing that I can still put to good use the advice I gave them (in some instances, they gave me) in my law practice.  Not that I treat my clients as children, but rather these simple words of wisdom can be adapted to any area in life; however, I am finding they are particularly useful in the legal realm. What follows are 10 truths, my children have heard, and now, my clients are hearing. 

 1. Hang on tight.  Always be prepared for a bumpy ride.  It won’t always be that way, there will be good and bad periods during your case, but be prepared and hang on tight.

 2. Ask why until you understand.  Always ask me questions, if you are confused or you believe I am confused.  We need to stay on the same page at all times. 

 3. If your room is messy, close the door.  If you mess up, keep it private.  Don’t text it, facebook it, tweet it, or email it!  My daughter, now home from college, still adheres to this philosophy – literally.

 4. It doesn’t matter who started it.  It matters more about how it is handled and who finishes it.

 5. Ask for whipped cream. Pay attention to details.  Details pay dividends, especially when it comes to settlements.  My son never fails to top of his favorite dessert with whipped cream, a detail he claims that makes a difference.

 6. If you want cow, ask for a herd.  There is a back story here.  My son wanted cow for his birthday, and he asked for cows. He was relentless in his requests.  He got “cow” everything.  He even got a visit from a cow.  (My father wore a cow costume at his party!)  If you want it, ask for it.  But if you really want it, ask for everything.

 7. Next week comes tomorrow.  Hearing day always comes before you feel fully ready.  All along the way, you should be preparing for the big day, even if you believe you are going to settle your case.  That’s right, even if you think everything is all worked out, you should be prepared to try your case. When you case is called, your time is up!

 8. You can’t start over just because you’re losing the game.  If the facts and the law are not on your side, you can’t ask for do-overs nor do you call it quits.  You still may have the ability to minimize the damages.  You may lose, but you may be able to control how badly you get beaten.  Starting over was a popular strategy of my son when he was young.  Anytime he wasn’t able to take Rainbow Trail or Gumdrop Pass, he wanted to start Candyland all over again.  

 9. Keep going door to door until someone opens the door.  Don’t give up, be persistent.  Whether that applies to calling your lawyer, fighting for your child, or defending your constitutional rights:  do not give up, ever!  You have permission to compromise, or consider different alternatives but don’t just give up.  My son followed this pearl of wisdom when he participated in school fundraisers.  He was a two-time champ for the most items sold.

 10.  You are just as special as the next person. Sadly and rarely, is your case unique.  Sure, every case is different, but the applicable law is generally the same. It’s how the facts fit into the law that will make the difference.  Clients sometimes believe they are alone in what they are facing or what they have experienced.  Knowing they are not “special” is actually helpful, if these same clients are in need of help.  My office is able to give resource information to obtain counseling for domestic violence, drug treatment, job training, mental health therapy and financial assistance.  If  you need these resources, find them – it will help you to cope with what is happening legally and it could be beneficial to your case.  (See advice # 2.)

Some of these “words of advice” may lead you to think that child services must have been called to my home, but let me say this: I have always been honest with my children and my clients.  Truthfulness works both ways in my house and in my office.

By the way, neither of my children is in therapy – yet.  The advice in numbers 2 & 3 came from my daughter. She gave it to my husband and me at a very early age, and we have followed it to this very day.  She is still inquisitive and remains a private person.  The advice in numbers 5 & 6 comes from my son.  Both of these gems follow the same logic and reflect his “dream big” personality and his enjoyment of life in general.

Arrogance is the Drunk Uncle of Confidence

 Arrogance is the drunk uncle of confidence.  And, not surprising many of my colleagues, peers, and clients are under the influence.  When I encounter these people, I try to find some redeeming quality about them.  I look for some accomplishment or depth of knowledge that they may possess which allows them a free pass on their arrogance.  If I cannot find something, well then, they are annoying and obnoxious; however, there is a difference between arrogance and confidence.  Most of the times I hear someone call another person arrogant; I realize that behind the comment is jealousy.  These people have self-doubt and instead of working on themselves, they go to work on others.

When I worked in television, arrogance was commonplace.  Most reporters and anchors have dreams of big markets and aspirations of national news, but in order to get there, you have to be good.  I watched as many mediocre reporters with lofty dreams take delight in those who were good, screw up.  What they lacked in skill and confidence was more than made up for with arrogance.  On the outside, they were brashly confident, but filled with self-doubt.  For some that self-doubt equaled suicide.  They couldn’t concentrate on making themselves better because they consumed themselved with thoughts that someone else would be better.  When one of their peers screwed up, there was delight.  Arrogance clouded their reality, as they seemed to believe it would somehow, make them would look better. 

I had the privilege to work with a very young and talented reporter.  He was intelligent, charismatic, friendly, funny, and handsome; however, he was not as “seasoned” as some thought he should be for that particular newsroom’s standards (talk about arrogance) – but, he was good.  His stories always made it to air and his live reports successful.  As a producer, I could constantly count on him to a get story on the newscast.  He was the “cocky” kid at the news station.  On one particularly slow news night, this reporter searched for a story.  Every source, lead, and potential story had fallen through.  His perceived streak of luck and good fortune was ending to the delight of those with green eyes.  The golden boy just might fail…and it was going to be that night.  Then, over the scanner, a call went out about car accident.  Not big news…but it sounded as if it might be news.  The accident involved a horse.  The reporter jumped and with a photographer in two was out the door.  I needed a story with only 45 minutes to air.  If there was anyone who could make this work, it was this reporter.  He was the one reporter that would try to make anything and everything work.  He had the lemons/lemonade attitude. 

Time passed…no word.  Would the one person I believed in make it work?  I bit my nails, and told myself – he will do it, he’ll come through.  About 10 minutes to air, a live feed popped up and there stood this reporter ready with a story.  He was brilliant; his on-camera presence was incredible.  He walked and talked about the accident, he told a story about the horse, he described how the horse and the driver collided.  He took us to the location, and warned of traffic problems, everything that made it newsworthy.  (Honestly, when he left – I had doubt about the newsworthiness of this story!)

This reporter was definitely confident.  Did he verge on cockiness?  Perhaps at times but he earned it.  He performed day in and day out.  His peers were jealous because he appeared to report with ease, but I knew he was passionated about his profession and practiced to perfection.  He wanted good material for the station but insisted on it for himself.  His talent and confidence enabled him to tell a story that producers, news directors, and most importantly, viewers wanted.  I feel quite sure that he does not believe the dead horse story was his crowning glory as a journalist by a long shot.  But, I believe it was.  It was an example of professionalism, he didn’t give up and didn’t give in…he could have easily turned a generic story.  He had other options, but chose to chase the unknown driven by his confidence in himself.  This young man’s talents created the lead story on the evening news.

The reporter’s name is Adam May.  To quote portions his biography at his current news station in Balitmore, MD:

He is one of the leading Baltimore TV reporters on major issues, such as gas prices and the energy crisis, port security and witness intimidation… In 2006, The National Academy of Television Arts and Sciences named Adam “Best Live Reporter” in the Mid-Atlantic Region.  He holds another local Emmy Award for an undercover investigation that exposed the driving habits of teenagers.

In Alabama he was honored for his coverage of the 2000 Presidential election, as he reported live from the George W. Bush election night party in Austin, Texas.

http://wjz.com/bios/adam.may.wjz.9.409779.html

There is nothing wrong with being confident.  There is nothing wrong with believing in yourself, believing in being the best and striving to do your best no matter the circumstance.  If you talk the talk and walk the walk – you are confident.  If you just talk – you are arrogant. 

*This was written with the permission of Adam May.

www.ghelixlaw.com

Which Group Will You Stand By?

Almost every weekend, I pass by two groups of people proudly and boldly exercising their 1st Amendment rights.  They stand peacefully on the corner of a relatively busy intersection near my home.  One group holds signs that read, “Peace” and “Stop the War,” and the other group’s signs read, “Support Our Troops” and “God Bless America.”
When I approach the intersection, I always take time to pay attention to the other drivers who pass.  Mostly, I hear the honk of car horns and see hands wave.  Sometimes people go the extra mile, with a “thumbs up” or a flip of “the finger” just so there is no mistake as to their group of choice.
Most people want to belong to a group.  They find comfort in sharing an idea or belief with another.  I personally find comfort in both these groups.  First of all, anyone who exercises their 1st Amendment right gets my thumbs up.  Secondly, with regard to these two groups, I believe most people could join either side and share their ideals.  Sure, they stand separately but I believe they are united enough to share the same corner.
The “peace” group wants peace.  Who doesn’t?  For those drivers who flash the middle finger, are you really pro-war?  Do you really support conflict?  This “peace” group simply wants our men and women to come home.  I support that.  Perhaps you don’t have a moral objection to violence, or you simply agree with why our troops are locked in conflict, but surely you don’t want war for the sake of war.  I understand why our country is at war, I understand the politics of this current conflict, but nonetheless, I am whole-heartedly pro-peace.
As for the “troop” group, they want support and respect for the men and women who serve.  Sadly, as the Vietnam war showed us, there are some people who blame our service men and women for our government’s conflicts.  That small group of people is wrong on every level, and their behavior past and present is without excuse.  What those same people choose to ignore, is that our troops protect their right to express their beliefs albeit distasteful and misplaced.  I do not group those people with the “peace” people.  I don’t believe the peace people want any harm to come to our troops, nor do I believe they place blame on our troops for the conflicts currently occurring in our world; therefore, I am proudly pro-troops.
I think the two groups could definitely share the same corner.  It would be difficult for me, if I were forced to choose a side.  I truly want peace, I do not want conflict, I do not want deaths, nor do I want our service men and women hurt or maimed.  But directly across from my beloved beliefs, stands another set of values which I hold dear: my value of human life and those who sacrifice theirs for mine.  I have the utmost respect and appreciation for those who serve either in the military or in public office.  I fully support and respect them and their families for what they give to me as a citizen of this United States.  Their service is invaluable and immeasurable.  Their sacrifice allows me to write the words on this page.
Therefore, I believe I can, at the same time support our troops and desire peace.  I do not believe the two are mutually exclusive.  Those who serve are braver than I could ever hope to be, but there are those who do not serve who deserve my respect and admiration through their civil protests.  Neither of these people actually reflects the policies of our government.  Those policies are bigger than we are.  The biggest impact I can or you can make is to vote.  Furthermore it’s through my vote, I can agree to disagree.  That’s my right, and that’s the right protected by our troops whether in times of peace or war.
If you should travel through this particular intersection or you have one like it in your hometown, take time to honk, wave or throw your thumb or finger up.  But more importantly, take time to realize these two groups, representations of us all, really do intersect and not just when they are on the street corner.

Don’t Hit the Snooze Button

It happened today, the “it will never happen to me” situation.   It did happen and it has happened before.

Today, one month after a deadly shooting in a middle school, and three weeks after the deadly University shooting, and days after several area school lockdowns, my son’s school was locked-down.

As I stood in the parking lot across from his school, thoughts of times past began to creep into my mind.  About  14 years ago, I cradled the same child locked in the school in my arms as a man armed with an AK-47 crouched on my patio.  I could see him through the sliding glass doors.  I stupidly thought that it was a guard.  At the time of this incident, I was living in Saudi Arabia.  Terror attacks were becoming commonplace in the Kingdom all aimed at killing westerners.  So, having a guard on your back patio was a good thing.  The bad thing…it wasn’t a guard.  It was a man who eventually stood eye to eye with my husband as he fired off a few rounds from his gun.  I heard my husband yell – Get down, Gaby, get away from the windows! 

I first ran to the phone and again, stupidly thought 9-1-1 would work.  I heard the Arabic word for “sorry” and I realized I was in a third world country.  While running up the stairs to grab my daughter, I slipped and dropped my infant son.  I scooped him up and grabbed my daughter out of her bed.   I threw the both of them into a closet and began to cover them with clothing.  I sat in the darkest of all closets crying.  I felt helpless and hopeless.  I couldn’t protect my children.

Today, the feelings came back.  Once again, I couldn’t protect my child.  Twice in my life, I couldn’t protect my child!  I watched from a far as K-9 units were dispatched.  I listened as school officials told me what they knew, but I heard what they said.  They couldn’t guarantee my child’s protection.

Everyone will eventually get a wake-up call.  That call may come in the form of a personal or professional experience or a legal problem.  When the call comes, you have two choices:  either wake up or hit the snooze.  These moments of fright offer insight into our lives.  Will you protect your child?  Will you protect your job?  Will you protect your reputation?    Or, will you protect your anger?  Greed?  Secrets?

Put your life and your legal problems into perspective.  Pick your battles, choose what needs protecting, and cherish the ability to do so.